


i want you to pick me, pick me, pick me up (so why won’t you?)

by JamlessGenius



Series: I Love You (But You Didn’t Choose Me) [2]
Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Acceptance, Canon Compliant, F/F, Hurt Son Chaeyoung, Misunderstandings, Sequel, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:53:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25053445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JamlessGenius/pseuds/JamlessGenius
Summary: Chaeyoung knows Tzuyu loves her.But Tzuyu doesn’t love her enough.Because Tzuyu won’t choose her.Sequel to Pretending (She’d Be Fine)
Relationships: Chou Tzuyu/Son Chaeyoung
Series: I Love You (But You Didn’t Choose Me) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1813669
Comments: 4
Kudos: 24





	i want you to pick me, pick me, pick me up (so why won’t you?)

**Author's Note:**

> SVRCINA “Flowers”

_ Sitting alone, all on my own _

_ With my insecurities _

Chaeyoung was an idol. A good one. 

She built her career on being lovable.

_ Had to grow up, no matter what _

_ Find my security _

It’s wasn’t like she hated people loving her. In fact, she was deeply humbled by it, and felt grateful towards people who supported TWICE with genuine and kind hearts.

One day, she knew, she’d fall in love too.

_ I see the good _

_ I see the bad _

Tzuyu, was her bandmate, a best friend.

Tzuyu looked at her with her silent fondness, with quiet affirmations.

Chou Tzuyu loved her.

Chaeyoung was one of the most fun loving people out there, no doubt, but she wasn’t oblivious.

_ I gravitate to the sad _

Was it cruel? To keep up the friendliness that they’d maintained? Would it be better to pull away, to make Tzuyu hate her? 

_And it's sad_

She can’t, though. It’s so, so selfish, but she can’t give up on one of her dearest friends. She can’t just walk away from one of her greatest friendships. She can’t walk away from someone she loves too.

_‘Cause it's all I've ever had_

Maybe that’s why Tzuyu does nothing about it. Because changing their deeply-inset dynamic would crack the world around them. 

_Life can't always be romantic_

_In the worst of circumstances_

Chaeyoung’s a titled, card-carrying romantic. She wants someone who will reciprocate devotion. Someone who loves her enough to take risks. 

And Tzuyu has always been devoted. To TWICE, ONCES, being an idol. She’s a good friend, as stoic as she seems. She’s a good person.

And Chaeyoung loved her. Simple, typeset fact.

_I believe in second chances (chances)_

But she’s not devoted the way Chaeyoung needs her to be. 

_I don't always do the right thing_

_Cut the vines before they're growing_

She knows there’s affection in her chest when she’s with the taller idol. It had started at faint attraction, at best, and bloomed into a fondness for her longtime friend. Their connection was like puzzle pieces, soulmates, crafted for one another.

Where she is, it’s so, so easy for it bloom into something else.

When they’re together, sometimes she wonders what would be different. 

A crush becomes unrequited love. A bud begins to bloom. Her choices have put her in a world of dazzling color, but the color of her flower is near and dear to her. 

_But I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying_

Chaeyoung knows it isn’t worth it. Tzuyu won’t take a single step, no matter how often the older members notice how her eyes change when she looks at Chaeyoung. No matter how many hints she drops.

Tzuyu isn’t willing to love her.

_I can see the colours_

It’s funny, because Chaeyoung likes doing everything that strikes her fancy. If there’s a whim she has, she follows it. 

Something in Tzuyu ignited those whims. She’s a bit reckless, stealing and wearing her clothes, playing around as she pleases. It’s a bit reckless, staying close to her best friend even as her heart beats in ways that will never be made up for.

Skipped beats mean nothing if the heart it beats in time to won’t join it.

_Everywhere I go, there's_

_Traces of you_

_Traces of you_

It’s this odd hopeless in-between. Is she a sister or something else?

Can she be something else?

How many secret sketchbooks full of the Taiwanese idol does she have? How many photographs and memories? What they have is special, why can’t it be as special as it truly is?

_ I feel like I'm dreaming _

This strange limbo had been frustrating. After the makeup comes off and there’s no camera or audience pushing for skinship- what are they?

_ Taking me to Eden _

_ When I see you _

It’s not like they fake too much. It’s not like that in the slightest. 

Tzuyu, to her, is a cool oasis. A steady ocean’s cool relief against hot sand. A steady tree to lean on. Their friendship does mean a lot to her, and she treasures it even as it ties her back from what she wants. 

Tzuyu’s reliable, and holds her tight in her own ways. She stays by her side, and their lives are so intertwined with how they rely on each other.

She’d be honest and say that she’s like that with all of TWICE, but the the vines of her life that weave in and out with the other members’ are not so tightly strung as they are with Tzuyu’s.

_ I love the view _

It’s all to easy for Chaeyoung to fool herself into thinking Tzuyu wants more. That she’d let it become the more that they both wanted.

_ Flowers, flowers (all I see are) _

They love each other. They’re fond of each other. There’s something more in their friendship.

It’s simple. 

_ Flowers, flowers (all I see are) _

What comes next is to choose each other, build that love into something. If it’s reciprocated, why let it hurt? Why let go of something so precious? A thread of gold in the rope of their bond that could turn their carefully woven masterpiece of a friendship into a treasure. 

What was precious to them didn’t need to be destroyed.

_ Flowers, flowers (all I see are) _

But Tzuyu didn’t choose her. 

_ Flowers, flowers (all I see are) _

It wasn’t fear, it was fact.

Tzuyu refused to choose love.

_ Too many tears, all of these years _

_ Stumbling in the dark _

For all this time, all their devotion, all their affection. It was more than the platonic friendship that Tzuyu wrapped it in. Chaeyoung couldn’t undo the binds herself, she already knew what she’d say if she asked.

_ When there's no pulse deep in the soul _

_ Breathing, it feels so hard _

Chaeyoung knew her feelings were strong, but new. She wants to smother it, sometimes, and stamp it out, like Tzuyu tries to do. It could fix everything, right?

But when it’s a beautiful flower, growing from her heart and soul, how can she? 

A part of her wonders what she’d classify their little dance as. Were they being strong in their refusals and sense of responsibility, or are they being weak, cowards, for refusing to grasp what’s right in front of them?

_ I see the black, I see the white _

Confession.

Chaeyoung was Catholic. To her, confession was answering for her sins. Loving Tzuyu didn’t make her a sinner. She’d never had such a mindset. She was so willing, at first, to just open her mouth and say those three words.

But she knew what came with them.

_ Don't wanna run outta time _

Tzuyu would say no. 

And for her stupidly noble sense of duty, she’d try to make Chaeyoung hate her. She’d turn it into a temporary rift in their friendship and stitch it back as a platonic friendship that would have become stronger with a weird trial.

That, or she’d take it as a practical joke. Tzuyu wouldn’t believe her. She hadn’t every single time she’d said it before.

Tzuyu would never believe that her “I love you”s held weight. 

If she knew that what would come would break her, should she still make the decision?

_ And it's time _

_ To connect all the lines _

She wants to resent it, she wants to resent it so badly.

But then Tzuyu smiles at her, holds her and acts as her support. Then Tzuyu gives her just short of everything and Chaeyoung just can’t. 

_ Oh, life can't always be romantic _

Why can’t they move forward? 

_ In the worst of circumstances _

Why is it, that Tzuyu refuses to be honest? Why is it, that Tzuyu loves her and refuses to want it?

_ I believe in second chances (chances) _

Chaeyoung is happy when she’s with her, and when they fall into their rhythm. But the further they deny as they fall in love, the more something grows between them. Chaeyoung wonders how terrible it is to pretend to be oblivious. To try and live her life and grow around it.

_ Oh, I don't always do the right thing _

_ Cut the vines before they're growing _

_ But I'm trying, I'm trying, I'm trying _

Sometimes, Tzuyu reminds her of a rose.

_ I can see the colours _

_ Everywhere I go, there's _

_ Traces of you _

_ Traces of you _

From far away, she’s beautiful, the queen of all flowers.

Look a little closer, and there’s a strength and thorns that she uses to protect herself. An unyielding resilience and will to survive.

If you get past it, she’s soft, and delicate. The petals are welcome against her hand, but she’s so scared to move wrongly, for them to fall and wilt.

_ I feel like I'm dreaming _

_ Taking me to Eden _

Their friendship is strong, their moments alone are special to them, something that nobody else can replicate.   
  


Yet when it comes to what she really wants to do, why is she scared of ripping those petals off with a single move?

_ When I see you _

_ I love the view _

To be honest, she knows why, in her deepest heart, why Tzuyu gives up on her feelings. Because she chases after other things. She wants to protect TWICE, as idols and as her friends.   
  


Because Tzuyu, beautiful, dutiful Tzuyu, tries too hard to support everyone and refused to let people be her own support. She held her tongue and pretended everything was okay and tried to convince herself.

Chaeyoung couldn’t convince stubborn Tzuyu that they’d be worth it. In her own toe in the waters way, she’d tried. 

All she could do for her was remain the unchanging best friend. For Tzuyu’s sake.

_ Flowers, flowers (all I see are) _

_ Flowers, flowers (all I see are) _

But to the one who makes her bloom, can Chaeyoung give up on her feelings?

_ Flowers, flowers (all I see are) _

_ Flowers, flowers (all I see are) _

She doesn’t think she can, to be honest.

_ All the leaves, all the green _

It’s a painful stasis, but not unlivable. She’d rather keep what they have than pull up their roots by trying to grow into what Tzuyu won’t let them become.

_ Yeah, it's taking me higher _

_ Higher _

She wants to hold onto her, grow old together, kiss her cheeks and hold her hands. 

If she wants it, she needs to erase the meaning behind it.

Is this worth it?

_ Yesterday fades away _

_ As you're taking me higher, higher _

But how can she possibly do that?

_ I can see the colours _

_ Everywhere I go, there's _

_ Traces of you _

It’s so easy. It’s so easy for Tzuyu to make them into something more than best friends.

Chaeyoung has to leave the step of wanting to become something up to her.  
  


_ Traces of you _

Chaeyoung loves Tzuyu.

Charyoung knows Tzuyu loves her.

But Tzuyu doesn’t love her enough.

_ I feel like I'm dreaming _

_ Taking me to Eden _

_ When I see you _

_ I love the view _

In all the ways but one, Tzuyu chooses her.

_ Flowers, flowers (all I see are) _

_ Flowers, flowers (all I see are) _

_ Flowers, flowers (all I see are) _

_Flowers, flowers (all I se_ e are)

Because Tzuyu refuses to choose her in the last way.

And Chaeyoung needs to let go.

**Author's Note:**

> Allow me to clarify the misunderstandings and sides of the story, really quickly. This is the sequel to Pretending (She’d Be Fine).
> 
> Tzuyu believes that Chaeyoung doesn’t love her, she’s too scared to try anything because of her duties to contribute to keeping TWICE afloat. So she lets herself pretend that she’s fine at staying best friends even when she isn’t and does her best to look unbothered. It turns into self-hatred for wanting Chaeyoung real fast- which is where her introspection takes place.
> 
> Chaeyoung knows Tzuyu loves her, and she loves Tzuyu. And she’s already tried so hard to drop the hints and let her know, but Tzuyu refuses to let herself believe that Chaeyoung loves her, refuses to choose to take the risk and let them be more than friends. So Chaeyoung decides to stop trying, because Tzuyu isn’t going to let herself love her. That’s where this fic takes place.


End file.
